Decision making is hard

Today I have to make a major life decision.

It’s difficult on many levels as it may (or may not – you never truly know) affect the course of my whole life. It’s terrifying yet exciting at the same time. However, mostly terrifying.

I suffer from what I would call a “chronic zero-decision-making syndrome”. I’m saying ‘zero’ decisions since it’s almost impossible for me to decide on even the smallest of issues. I have an exaggerated fear of the consequences that might follow my poor choice to the point that I don’t make any. And it’s starting to become a real struggle…

To give you all an overview of my issue, these days I have to make an important choice that will direct the course of my whole year. It concerns my whereabouts for the next eight to ten months and also my occupation. It can set me up for a path that I will gladly follow or it can simply make me waste almost a full year. So, I hope you can see my problem.

I’ve googled way too many tips for making a decision and asked too many people for their opinions already. I’ve come to realize that the best person to ask is simply me. I’m the only one, who knows what I want to do, but how do I ask my subconscious self for the answer?? (Here’s where I ask for advice ;))

I’ve always struggled with this, because in my experience making a decision that I will want to take back makes me a loser and someone who can’t take control of their own lives. When doing that, I always feel like I’m failing myself and the people around me and simply don’t know how to get out of that way of thinking.

I can’t comprehend that the decisions I’m making will only affect me. No one else. I will be THE ONLY ONE living with them. Not my friends. Not my family. Me.

Somehow, even though I’m fully aware of these aspects, I prevent myself from deciding in fear of making a mistake.

But isn’t making mistakes a part of being a human?

It 100% is, but in my twisted thoughts it means wasting more time from my valuable life doing something I’m not happy with. Yes, I can change my decision later on, but it would involve a lot of change, money and other things that I’d rather not get into, hence my willingness to make THE right one straightaway.

It’s scary to say the least. However, I believe it’s also important to decide on something. Anything. Because if you don’t, you’re not going anywhere in life. You’re stuck in your comfort zone for the rest of your life. Worrying about something that might not even happen is something that stops way too many people from achieving their full potential and I’m in the place in my life where I cannot settle for this. I’ve worked way too much and sacrificed way too much for this. So I won’t give up solely because my family has horrible genes responsible for decision making. 🙂

So, here I am, after a couple of glasses of wine, trying to decide how my future will look like. It’s not going too well, I’ll be honest, but I’m getting there. I still have few hours… right? 

To everyone that had to make a major life changing decision in their lives, I welcome any advice as well as constructive criticism (I probably actually need it). To everyone that’s struggling with choosing as well, know that you’re not alone. To everyone that never had that problem, salud to y’all!

That’s it for today, guys. I hope at least one person could relate to what I’m going through and I wish you all to make the best and most fruitful decisions ever!


Photo by Greg Shield on Unsplash

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